That Fateful and Fatal Day
by ro-sham-bo211
Summary: Post Twilight. Takes place right after Hiatus. Tonycentric. Tate angst. Songfic. Tony thinks about Kate and their last moments together. And it leads to extreme actions. Tony's POV. COMPLETE
1. The Roof

**Disclaimer: **I don't own NCIS or its characters.

Title: That Fateful and Fatal Day

Summary: Post Twilight. Takes place right after Hiatus. Tonycentric. Tate angst. Songfic. Tony thinks about Kate and their last moments together. And it leads to extreme actions. Tony's POV

A/N: I know this plot has been done before. I've read fics like it, but plagiarism is NOT intended. This idea came to me when I was listening to Kenny Chesney's CD: The Road and the Radio which I only own a copy of. I don't own the song Who You'd Be Today. And the words in bold italics are Tony's thoughts.

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_Sunny days seem to hurt the most.  
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.  
I feel you everywhere I go.  
I see your smile, I see your face,  
I hear you laughin' in the rain.  
I still can't believe you're gone._

On good days, I only think about the good times with her. You know making funny, sometimes sexist, remarks and teasing her. But on the days when Probie pisses me off or Ziva doesn't pronounce anything right, I think of that fateful and fatal day. May 24th, 2005.

_  
It ain't fair: you died too young,  
like the story that had just begun,  
but death tore the pages all away.  
God knows how I miss you,  
All the hell that I've been through,  
just knowin' no-one could take your place.  
An' sometimes I wonder,  
who'd you be today?  
_

Gibbs quit the other day and I've survived a few cases with just McGeek and Ziva. We're okay with just the three of us but we'd be better if Gibbs was back. But great if Kate was still alive. Today was one of those days. I knew from the moment I woke up. I dreamt of the day on the roof and woke up sweating bullets. I ran to the mirror in the bathroom to look and make sure it wasn't her blood. Those dreams happen at least once a week. And when I realized today's date, things got worse. McGee was late to work and Ziva and I had already left for a scene when he got there. When we got back, he was doing paper work. And on any other day we didn't have a case, it would have been fine. But we had a case and he didn't even call to see where we were. I guess he thinks that since I'm not Gibbs, he can get away with a lot of stuff, which isn't like the old McGee when Gibbs was here. And when we were at the scene, Ziva forgot to restock the truck with film for the camera so we borrowed some from Ducky and she kept mispronouncing words and messing up phrases when we were questioning the first officers on the scene. She's been like this since he left. And to top it all off, I was the only one who remembered that a year ago today, that bastard killed Kate.

_  
Would you see the world? Would you chase your dreams?  
Settle down with a family,  
I wonder what would you name your babies?  
Some days the sky's so blue,  
I feel like I can talk to you,  
An' I know it might sound crazy.  
_

I used to wonder at night what my future would be like. I had secretly hoped it would be with Kate. I would never tell anyone this but I could see myself marrying Kate and having kids with her someday. And I was too stupid to admit my feelings for her because I wanted our 'bickering' to continue. Every once and a while, I think about what she said to McGee when I was lying down on the floor and hope those words were true. But now she's gone. Been gone for a year. After work, I went to the florist and got some flowers. I drove to her grave and placed the flowers there. And then I lost it.

_  
It ain't fair: you died too young,  
like the story that had just begun,  
but death tore the pages all away.  
God knows how I miss you,  
all the hell that I've been through,  
just knowin' no-one could take your place.  
An' sometimes I wonder,  
who you'd be today?_

So I'm sitting on the roof in the exact spot where she died. There are still a few blood stains that the cleaners couldn't get out. And I thought about our last few hours together: the snake, the 'getting into bed' comment, Kate's remarks about me (which are... I mean were... similar to my hopes) and then pouring water on me. I've got my gun out, safety off and index finger resting on the trigger. I think about will happen when I'm gone. McGee will eventually find me and he, Ziva, Abby and Ducky will process my suicide, as much as I would hate to put them through that. Ari did that to us with Kate's murder. McGee or someone will run the team and who knows? Maybe Gibbs will come back from where ever he is for my funeral.

_**But would Kate want you to do this?**_

_**Who cares? She's dead.**_

An internal debate ensues and I smile slightly as I think of Abby.

_  
Sunny days seem to hurt the most.  
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.  
The only thing that gives me hope,  
Is I know I'll see you again some day.  
_

_**You'll see her some day. Don't do this.**_

_**That some day is today.**_

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I have a second chapter written! Will Tony do it or will something stop him? Tell me if I should post it or not._  
_


	2. Saved

**Disclaimer:** I don't own NCIS, its characters or the song You Save Me by Kenny Chesney.

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_Every now and then I get a little lost  
My strings all get tangled, my wires all get crossed  
Every now and then I'm right up on the edge  
Dangling my toes out over the ledge  
I just thank God you're here_

And then I think again.

**_She wouldn't want me to do this. I can't_**. **_I need to try and make it without her. I need to be there for the team._**

I put my gun back in my holster and climb down the fire escape. As I make my way down, I think about climbing back up but think better of it, knowing that if I do, I'll talk myself into it this time.

I drive back to the bullpen to get paperwork done for tomorrow. I get into the elevator and I find Abby waiting there for me.

_'Cause when I'm a bullet shot out of a gun  
'Cause when I'm a firecracker comin' undone  
Or when I'm a fugitive ready to run, all wild-eyed and crazy  
No matter where my reckless soul takes me  
Baby you save me_

"Tony! Where have you been! We've been looking for you! And we were so worried. You weren't answering your cell and I thought something bad happened!" Abby said quickly.

I'm not quite ready to deal with people just yet. Those moments with just me on the roof are still fresh in my mind and I can't believe I almost did that.

"Hey, Abs. What do you need?" I ask her calmly and quietly.

"Well, today is the one year anniversary of Kate's death and I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

"You remembered?" I was amazed.

"Well, yeah. We all did. McGee and Ducky did too. We just didn't want to bring it up because we knew you aren't over it yet. I mean, Kate was my best friend. I'm still not over it yet. And I know you're not either because you love her."

I chuckle. **_How does she know so much? She's right, but I never told anyone._**

"What makes you think that I love her?"

Abby grins, "Well, it's obvious, Tony. The way you used to look at her...the way you talked about her and to her. I mean, Tony, it is as plain as the nose on your face!"

_It's hard lovin' a man that's got a gypsy soul  
I don't know how you do it, I'm not sure how you know  
The perfect thing to say to save me from myself  
You're the angel that moves me like nobody else  
And I thank God you do_

I blush and Abby smiles.

"I knew it! You do love her!" She shouts as the elevator doors open.

"Shh!"

"Sorry."

We walk into the bullpen and McGee, Ziva, Ducky and Palmer are there waiting for me.

"Anthony," Ducky begins, "Are you okay?"

"I'm just fine, Duck."

"Where did you go, Anthony?" Ducky continued, "We were so concerned."

I hesitate telling them where I was. "The roof," is all I say and all of their faces instantly become uneasy. They all know what I mean when I say the roof. Well, all except Ziva, who has no idea what today is.

Ducky was about to say something when Ziva interrupted, "What day is today? And what do you mean by 'the roof?'"

Abby rolls her eyes, Ducky sighs and McGee and Palmer look down at their feet.

"Kate died a year ago. The roof was where she died," I explain somewhat angrily.

"The NCIS roof?"

Abby can't take it any more

"You know what, Ziva? If you don't know what's going on in the conversation, butt out!" She shouts.

"Abigail, calm down," Ducky tells her but Ziva has already left.

"Anthony, why were you at that warehouse?" Ducky wants to know.

"I don't know, Duck. I just...I don't know."

Abby can tell I'm lying so I don't say anything else. I make a beeline for my desk and immediately take my gun out, lock it up in a drawer and put the keys away.

_'Cause when I'm a bullet shot out of a gun  
When I'm a firecracker coming undone  
When I'm a fugitive ready to run, all wild-eyed and crazy  
No matter where my reckless soul takes me  
Baby you save me _

_I know I don't tell you nearly enough  
That I couldn't live one day without your love_

"Tony? Can I talk to you in private?" Abby asks tentatively.

"Sure," I sigh.

We walk to a corner in the room where no one can hear us. Ducky and Palmer exchange concerned looks and go back to autopsy. Ziva comes back with a coffee in her hand and sits down to type. McGee is already at his desk, fixing his computer.

"What's up?"

She becomes teary eyed and says, "You were gonna...you were gonna," she gets really quiet and says, "kill yourself, weren't you?"

I only nod slightly and Abby hugs me. It's one of those big hugs she gave me when I came back to work after the plague.

"Don't ask why, Abs. I don't wanna explain. Just don't tell anybody. I don't want this getting out, okay?"

"Promise you won't think about it ever again?" she asks through tears.

"I promise, Abby."

_When I'm a ship tossed around on the waves  
Up on a high wire that's ready to break  
When I've had just about all I can take  
Baby you, baby you save me_

She starts to walk off and I head to my desk, but Abby stops me.

"You know, she loved you too."

At first, I don't know what to say to that. I wonder if Abby is lying just to make me feel better, but I know Abby wouldn't joke about anything like this.

"Did she really?"

"She just didn't know how to tell you." And I begin to feel a little better. Knowing that Kate loved me was all I needed to know.

_When I'm a bullet shot out of a gun  
When I'm a firecracker coming undone  
When I'm a fugitive ready to run, all wild-eyed and crazy  
No matter where my reckless soul takes me  
Baby you save me_

"And you know what?" Abby adds.

"What?"

"She saved you."

Abby walks away. On my way to my desk, I realize she's right. Kate is the only reason I didn't pull that trigger.

"Who saved you?" McGee asks curiously.

I look at him and smile.

"Kate saved me."

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That's it. The End. FIN. All done.

Now...what do you think?


End file.
